The T Word
by DelilaJules
Summary: Trans!Tim Based off a headcanon I've had for a while. McGee has a secret that's about to come to light. A short drabble-ish thing about his various experiences in NCIS and with family.
1. Chapter 1

_"Dear Past Self,_

_Mom won't be that mad when you cut your hair off. You don't have to run away._

_From, Tim. (That's you.)"_

It was short, that he'd admit. Two sentences, but his therapist hadn't asked for anything specific. Besides, if his past self really _had_ gotten this letter, he had a feeling he'd understand.

He took the paper out of his typewriter and tacked it to the bulletin board, next to the picture of him and Sarah in the hospital. It felt... right.

* * *

><p><em>Present Day<em>

"Goooood morning McGoo," Tony said cheerfully.

McGee muttered out a 'hello', not looking up from his computer screen. Today was the day. The director had spoken to him about it in private the week before, which didn't really see the point in, considering that if he agreed he would be outing himself to everyone at the agency anyway. But he said yes anyway - it was what he needed.

It was at this time that Bishop rushed in, as usual vibrant with energy. "Hey guys, you hear about the seminar today?"

McGee nodded solemnly, but Tony groaned. "A seminar? Really?"

_*thwack* _"It's important, DiNozzo," said Gibbs.

Tim smiled a bit, unaware if his boss was actually being supportive or not.

Tony frowned. "Well then what's it-" It was at that moment that all the teams filed into the conference room.

"Welcome to our first annual LGBT seminar," the director said. "We've been trying to bring light to any possible workplace discrimination...-" Tim half zoned out, too nervous to pay much attention. He tapped his leg as one by one, people came up to speak about their experiences. It was all fairly standard, or so it seemed.

And then it was his turn.

"Let me introduce Special Agent Timothy McGee." Clapping ensued, and as Tim made his way to the front of the room he couldn't help but glance at the confused expressions of his co-workers.

"A-Uh..., h-hi, hello everyone." He swallowed down the lump in his throat. _They can't scare you if they don't know they scare you. You'll be fine._ "Uhm, well, I guess a lot of you may be wondering what I'm doing up here today. I mean, I'm not gay." He glanced at Abby. "Today I'm here to talk about a part of the LGBT community that doesn't get talked about too often. Because since the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, it's easier to deal with something as simple as someone liking the same gender, than having your little girl come up to you and tell you she's a guy."

There was some murmuring in the crowd. McGee tried his best to ignore it.

"Yeah, the 'T' word. A lot of times it seems like a useless letter to add onto the acronym, because it just ends up getting ignored. Like it's something to be ashamed of. And I'm not ashamed of it, so I might as well tell you: I was born a girl. Most of you don't know, mainly because I just never considered it anyone's business.

"I can't really explain to anyone what it's like to be trans. I tried that with my parents, _boy_ did that go well." There was some muffled laughter. "I can try, though. Imagine not being able to use your right hand. You're right handed, but you're forced to use your left hand your entire life and it just feels weird, annoying, and wrong. But it doesn't really end there, because then you _finally_ start using your right hand and it looks a little weird at first cause you not used to it. And the, surprise! No one wants to date a right-handed guy, unless they're just seeing them as a left-handed guy or have a right-handed fetish. This analogy is getting really out of hand, but I guess you get what I'm saying..."

He went on talking for a while longer, just saying one word after the other and not really thinking about it. Clapping ensued once again, and he saw Abby smiling at him from the back.

"I'm so proud of you," she mouthed.

Tim smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

_1994_

Timothy sat as still as he could on the edge of the couch, but no matter how hard he tried his hands continued to shake as if someone had plunged them into a vat of icy water.

_Be calm. He can't hurt you if he doesn't know he's hurting you._ He glanced at the door, as if that would help him hear any of what was going on from inside. All that he could here was the muffled conversation between his parents, which was surely chaos. He reached up and felt the tips of his hair, cut choppily and at odd angles.

Suddenly the door slapped and his father walked out, face set in a grim expression. Tim followed him with his eyes, taking everything in - the way his footsteps thudded against the wooden floor, the way every vein in his body seemed to become visible, throbbing with rage.

"Teresa." John sat down across from him, hands clasped.

Tim opened his mouth to say something, but now was not the time. So he took the hit, despite the fact that it hurt him more than any amount of yelling ever could.

"Teresa, your mother is very upset." He sighed. "Honestly, do you have no regards for other people? Have you thought about how this would effect us? Your sister?"

"This wasn't about you," Tim said.

"Oh really? Then would you are to offer an explanation?"

"I've _told _you, Dad. How many more times to I need to explain it before you finally understand?"

Silence. John continued to eye to floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"At least look at me! Acknowledge me!" he said. "Me! Your _son_! If you really loved me you'd love me for who I am!" There were tears welling in his eyes now, and he stormed off, unwilling to let John see him cry.

_"Teresa McGee!"_ His father's yell could be heard through the door of Tim's bedroom, and he folded his pillow around his ears to block it out. There was a few moments of silence before Tim felt Sarah's hand gently rested on his back.

"At least it's not like they can make you have it long anymore," she said quietly.

He raised his head from the tear-stained pillow and scoffed. "Yeah, for now. But just watch, within the next hour anything remotely sharp will mysteriously disappear from the house. I guarantee you that."

"Then I'll cut it for you."

For a brief instant, he almost laughed. _God, she is so innocent._ He sat up and pulled the twelve-year-old closer to him. "Thanks, but I'll have to pass." There was _no _way he was letting her come anywhere near his neck with scissors.

"Oh."

He couldn't explain it to her, no, not at this age. She couldn't understand it all. She couldn't understand that it was about more than just hair, more than just a name.

There was a knock at the door, and Tim sighed, flicking off the light. "Tell Dad I'm asleep."

"Alright." She paused. "I love you, Timmy."

He smiled. "Love you too, sis."

* * *

><p><em>Present Day<em>

Tim rushed out of the room as fast as his feet could carry him, stopping in a corner and pulling out his phone.

**NEW MESSAGE TO SARAH: I did it.**

And then the reality of what happened hit him like a smack in the face. _Everyone knew._ He'd never been bothered before, allowed to live as normally as an other man. Had he just put all that in jeopardy? He'd heard horror stories before - tales of people just like him being physically attacked for something as simply as using the bathroom. Even killed. Of course, that likely wouldn't happen, maybe a few dirty looks. But even that was humiliating. After all, he was the same McGee, nothing had changed but what they knew.

Ellie was the first one to catch up to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, McGee, that was really brave of you," she said. "I was gonna get up, but I thought that I'd be intruding." And then, upon the confused look Tim gave her, "I'm bisexual."

"Ah." He couldn't help but take a brief glance over his shoulder as more and more people began filing down the stairs, knowing the rest of his team was among them.

"We've got a case, Norfolk," Gibbs said as he passed by. "McGee, you drive."

He was half preparing for some shitty comment about how "women can't drive", but the room stayed silent except for their footsteps as they went to the elevator.


End file.
